


Not Stable at All

by ButterflyGhost



Category: due South
Genre: Angst, Introspection, M/M, Quadruple Drabble, self doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-04-03 00:05:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4079008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyGhost/pseuds/ButterflyGhost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray ponders his and Fraser's sanity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Stable at All

**Author's Note:**

> This turned out so much darker than I intended. For the record, I think Ray is being rather harsh on himself here, if not downright brutal. So, I'm warning for angst.

  


People think  _I’m_  the unstable one. At first he seems so steady – grounded, like a mountain or a tree. I’m the one thumping holes in walls. The one who lost it – thumped  _him._ Yeah, I can admit it. The one who bullied him into hitting me back. And I just can’t stop calling him names. ‘Freak.’ That’s the worst – but I don’t mean him. It’s just, I let the thought bounce off me that I’m the freak, so I can turn it round on him.  
  
I know that about myself. I do know that. I’m not proud.  
  
He takes it. He took it. For months he didn’t even flinch. Nothing could shake him. I couldn’t make a dent.  
  
And I needed to shake him so bad. To knock him down, rock him on his heels at least, the way that he rocks me.  
  
The day we met,  _he_  was the crazy one. Like his whole foundation had been swept out from under him. His best friend gone, his whole life burned to the ground. I kinda forgot how lost he was that day, just how crazy – measuring my nose, making me eat putty sandwiches. Who does that? It was like he couldn’t trust himself without imperious... empiridium... hard evidence.  
  
I fell for his act though. Figured it was just a bad day. He was Mr Zen, Mr Cool Pure Logic. Yeah, I fell for it. Fell hard. Couldn’t shift him. Had to hit him.  
  
After that everything shattered into pieces – fell apart, got rearranged. He forgave me. Shit – why did he forgive me? He shouldn’t forgive me. That’s not steady, that’s not a stable thing to do. Never trust an abuser – any cop would tell you that. How do I know, how do I  _know_  I won’t do it again?  
  
But he knows. Thinks he knows.  
  
He forgave me. Stupid bastard forgave me. No way am I gonna tell him he was wrong. I couldn’t bear for him go.  
  
After that I see it. His two best friends; a fucked up cop and a deaf wolf, who he swears talks back. And there’s the way he talks to himself  – throwing snippy comments at the wall. The way he risks his life each damn day, like he’s more than half in love with death.  
  
Thank  God he’s cracked, or he’d leave me.  
  
But no, he’s not stable. Not stable at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written to the prompt: Stable, Unstable, for 'slash the drabble.'
> 
> Come play here: http://slashthedrabble.livejournal.com


End file.
